But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize