bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
