im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
