I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
