I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
