Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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