you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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