He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
