not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
