I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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