I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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