You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
