my sisters under your porch take her home
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
