This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
