All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
