Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
