That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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