i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
