Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
