I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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