So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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