You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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