Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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