Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize