He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
