i need an iv and a liver transplant
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
