Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
jump out the window naked night went bad
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
