Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
