can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
