i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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