My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
