No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
