Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
