A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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