seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
