dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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