Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
