Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
