Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
