I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
