I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
