Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
