The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
