I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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