pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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