Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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