I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
