if i can run in heels then i can drive
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
