Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize