haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
