your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
