ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
