i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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