At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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