update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They have beer where we have blood.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
