I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
