I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
