Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
