Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
