I have demons in me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
