Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
