my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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