Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
