God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
