Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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