I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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