Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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