I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
