Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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