im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize