I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
