the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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