dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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