I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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