Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
