he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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