This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
