Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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