im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize