Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
