Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize