Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
