whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
barbara walters just said penis...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
