i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
