Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there's paper in my vomit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
