I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
