Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
