two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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