Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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