I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
