What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize