Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
