I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
