he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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