HIV tests are more positive than that guy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
