he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
