Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
