It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
