I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
