There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
