just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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