Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
