Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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