Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
