I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
